Thursday, April 20, 2006

Global Positioning System

GPS. I need it. I can get lost while holding a map. Part of the problem is of course I can't read maps. I am one of those people that feels like North is always the direction I am facing. I do eventually learn which way is north based on landmarks- In LA and Seattle west was water (although Seattle that meant the sound. Not the lake(s). And if you were in Alki, it just messed the whole thing up. Walking through a building I am never able to visualize what wall is facing what outside without actually looking out a window. Today I got lost walking back to work from lunch (at the very tasty hummus bros.) In my defense, London (and Soho especially) has all these little streets snaking around and nothing makes sense and everything looks interesting. Cut To: EXT. NARROW LONDON STREET - AFTERNOON Thousands of OFFICE WORKERS mill down the street holding iPods or talking on cell phones (er mobiles I mean.) A group of men wearing entirely too much hair product duck into a pub revealing-- NICOLE the directionless wonder. A thirty something with no attention span (the type that gets excited when you drive past a cow) she wanders aimlessly from Wardour Street through Soho ending up near Carnaby when she should be closer to Piccadilly. She tries to pretend she isn't lost so no one mugs her. The wind keeps pulling up her skirt and she clutches at it, holding it down as she hobbles down the street. She trips on a curb, falls into the street and is tossed up into the air when she is hit-- by a Black Cab. Okay, that didn't happen. The being hit by a Black Cab part. Or the worrying about being mugged part. Odds are you won't be mugged in Soho. You are far more likely to have your handbag nicked while you sit in a restaurant or the pub. The tripping part also didn't happen. That came later when my shoe caught on the door on the lift. But, yes. I need GPS. If they make one with a Samuel L. Jackson voice I'll get that. "Turn Left Motherfucker!"


At 4/20/2006 02:21:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man that Samuel L Jackson thing is the best. You should write him. He'd probably do it. Hey, he did a movie called Snakes on a Plane simply because he liked the title so there's hope, right??? lol


At 4/20/2006 02:30:00 PM, Blogger Nicole said...


I must give credit to Stuart for the Sam Jackson GPS. It's one of his jokes that never fails to make me giggle.

At 4/20/2006 04:21:00 PM, Anonymous tanis said...

I feel better now - I'm not the only one in the world who thinks North is the direction I'm facing! I can read maps just fine, but that doesn't help the sensation go away.


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